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Ceceil
This was written by my sister, Luce... She always wanted to become a writer... Now she can't... I love you, sister<3 This was written when she spent time in a place she felt was a prison, instead of a clinic, so I'm guessing it's just her diary with extra detail? I found it in her notes... Warning: swearing Can you see me, Ceceil? Can you hear me, Ceceil? Are you even there, Ceceil? Can we speak, Ceceil? Ceceil? Where are you? Do you need me? May we talk? Can we play? Ceceil? Ceciel, I need you, you were there for me, Ceceil... 1 (14.05.2010) Oskar needed you, where were you? Oskar had to have you, where were you? Oskar died because of you, why weren't you there? Oskar isn't here, and it's your fault! Thoughts ran wildly through my head, I couldn't think, I couldn't even scream out to Ceceil. I needed her, where the hell was she? Ceceil! Please... Come back to me! I need you! Oh, my dear, you cause me so much time to contemplate where exactly I went wrong with my life. Behind the metal bars of this cage-like room, I'm left with just the thoughts - Ceceil, you were there, you knew I didn't kill him. But now I'm stuck in Sword & Cross, with little to no things to do, yet my mind is finding it increasingly difficult to escape these bars and use my imagination... Oh, my dear Ceceil, you were always the one who tried to tell the truth. But I still wonder, my dear, where you went. Every moment that passes me by, I wait in suspense for one of the nurses to come in and tell me where you were. I envy you, my dear - you weren't stuck here. Then again, I am rather... Mad. Alas, my mind keeps wondering where you are, only for moments later I am taken back to this dingy room, to the stuffy dorms, all over to the spiked-wire on top of the fences. 2 (16.05.10) The rain is memorizing, isn't it? So soothing, so calming, even if I can hardly see it through the black cage bars on the double-glazed window... even if I can hardly see beyond this room, I know you can see me, my little Ceceil, my beautiful, kindred Ceceil - you would never leave me, would you? Not ever! Because you know what I know? I know you love me, Ceceil! Oh the rain has stopped. What a pity, it was quite a melodramatic rhythm, it gave me the strangest sensation of feeling warmth, of not being alone with these shadows that try to hunt me at every step and turn, at every single last page I sift through. Oh well, I'm not entirely alone, Alek is outside my room, I don't know why, I don't understand... but he cares for me here? He says he sees the shadows too, lingering, lurking, hiding, holding within them secrets of an untold story I am yet to hear... I want to hear it, Ceceil, oh won't you please tell it to me? 3 (17.05.10) I hear a ringing in my ears, clenching my fists into balls and pushing myself into the floor, make it stop, Ceceil! Make it stop! Now! Ceceil! Please, make it stop, I can't bear to hear it anymore... was it the shadows? Alek says it was the shadows, says that they are trying to make me push myself off the cliff, off the edge, but how? He says he understands everything, because he knows... he knows about them. I find it peculiar and I do not know how he knows, but he must do, if he tried to console me to that extent. I picked up my guitar and attempt to play it, I haven't used it for a year, since coming here, I haven't wanted to hear any music, because I know it doesn't belong here, in these halls of silence, in these barren halls of dim servitude. Why am I here? I did not kill Oskar. I didn't, I promise, Oskar died in a fire. I didn't start it, it was an accident, what do you mean, I'm guilty? I didn't do it! Why won't you believe me?! I hit the wall and make a mark, the whole room is cracking, creaking, burning, lighting, firing, the shadows try to kill me, why is this happening? What did I do wrong? 4 (20.05.10) Alek says it was because of what I did. What I did... what did I do.. I can't recall. He says I must have done what he did, and play that stupid fucking game! Why did I have to play it? It wouldn't be that though, surely... I only played it for ten minutes! What the hell! No, it can't be. 5 Category:Bios